Walking Through The Valley 2012 June | Walking Through The Valley

Archive for June 2012

Walking Through The Valley Of A Marriage Crisis (A She Said Yes Story)

By sglidden · (2)

This isn’t the first valley we have walked in. Four years ago, we walked the valley of a marriage crisis that almost tore us apart.

Today I am sharing our story at Surpised By Life for the the “She Said Yes” series.

I was in my bubble of being a happy homemaker, church going, loving wife. I kept a clean home, homeschooled my children, had a healthy dinner on the table every night, and tried to always look good for my man when he came home. That world I thought we all lived in came crashing down pretty quickly. Read the rest of the story here.

(2)

Down Memory Lane

By sglidden · (1)

photo credit

Did I mention my daughter is graduating from High School this year? She sure is. It’s hard to believe this day has come. But it sure has. I’m too young for this! Seriously it feels like I just graduated myself a few years ago. But as I look at the pictures while putting together her slide show, I see I have aged. Imagine that!

So this leads me to tell you about the box.

It isn’t pretty. In fact, it says “Depends” on the side of it, no joke. In the box goes everything I want to save drawings, photos, cards etc . I know it’s really a horrible system, but it’s worked for years. I am determined not to let the box return to storage in the same condition this time around. The older my kids get the more I realize how precious these mementos are. You scrapbook moms would faint if you saw it.

T o get the slide show ready, I had to pull out the box.

And let’s just say the trip down memory lane has been really, really hard. Emotional. Exhausting.

We had such a beautiful life folks.

So full of love and laughter, so full of promise. We still laugh and love, hope and dream, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit there is always that elephant in the room casting a shadow on it all. There is a sadness in my eyes that doesn’t go away no matter how big I smile. Things have changed. How could they not?

And I found the very last letter my husband wrote me on our anniversary. It was in pencil on a piece of computer paper. Not much to look at, kind of like this ugly box. But when you open it up, there it is. A memory so sweet and tender it takes my breath away. His handwriting.

Do you know I haven’t seen his handwriting in almost two years? Two years. And I’m pretty sure I will never see it again. I didn’t know that was my last letter. I just tossed in the box to read again someday.

The stages of grief go round and round.

The walk down memory lane hurts.

I’m glad I have lots of chocolate chips in the house.

It’s going to be a long trip this time around.

(1)

From Trash To Treasure

By sglidden · (4)

One day we went on a field trip by the ocean and I met up with a woman who was fervently searching the rocks. I asked her what she was looking for. “Sea glass” she told me. I had never heard of it before, so she showed me some that she had found. It was beautiful and I could see why she was a collector.

Sea Glass Photo by Zia Soleil/Getty Images

Sea glass is very interesting. A glass bottle gets discarded into the seas, and as it gets tumbled around by the waves and tossed against the rocks it rounds and softens the sharp edges. Sometimes the glass gets wedged in the rocks, and the exposed pieces get crashed upon and smoothed out. The salt and lime in the ocean even changes the color of the glass, giving it a beautiful frosty look. And it kind of thickens and becomes stronger as it weathers the storms.

And that discarded bottle that no one wanted becomes a little broken up piece of treasure.

Do you ever feel like you’ve been broken, trashed and forgotten? That the storms of life, the crashing waves and rough spots that grab you and hold you captive will destroy you?

My friend, like a piece of glass thrown into the sea, you are being made into a treasure too. And just as a passionate collector does, Jesus is searching for the rare find of a piece softened, perfected and strengthened by the storms it has weathered.

You are a treasure to Him. Precious and rare and worthy of collecting. Made beautiful by the trials of this life, changed from rough and sharp and broken to soft and smooth and beautiful.

No doubt the glass goes through a lot for a long time to become a piece worthy of collecting. It probably gets tossed about and broken several times over several years before it is beautiful enough to be worthy of collecting.

You will go through a lot in this life too. Just remember, what you are becoming.

If that bottle was never tossed around, tumbled in the waves and thrown against the rocks, it would be nothing more than a broken bottle.

Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you,

as though some strange thing happened to you;

but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed,

you may also be glad with exceeding joy.

1 Peter 4:12-13

This post is gratefully linked up here:

WLWW

WIWW

(4)

The Thief Has Come

By sglidden · (10)

Everyday it steals something. Each time it takes something more and more valuable.

Have you ever thought of how it would feel to be unable to use your arms or your hands?

Recently while I was waiting for my tooth to heal up, I couldn’t eat anything unless it was mash potato like. And I craved the strangest things. Like cheese puffs from a can. I haven’t had those in years, why crave them now? When all of a sudden, you can’t have something, you realize how much you want it. Isn’t that they way we humans work?

I was hurting, and I just wanted to have my husband lay next to me . When I’m sick and hurting, that’s all I want. Someone I love close to me. And right then, I wanted my husbands arms around me.

But my husband can no longer wrap his arms around me. The thief has stolen that.

When he would wrap his big muscular arms are around me, I’d feel safe. Protected. Secure.

Its been a long time since I’ve felt those things.

Very often I feel ripped wide open. Vulnerable. Lonely.

The thief has stolen too much. He keeps coming back to take more and more.

His voice,

His hands.

His strong arms.

But I am reminded later that night: the thief can steal a lot. But he can’t steal everything.

At night we used to lie in bed, holding hands and chatting before we fell asleep. It was one of the few times of day we had uninterrupted and it has always been one of my favorite times.

Our nights are more silent now. We can’t hold hands anymore.

Instead we hold feet. His feet entwined in mine, I drift off to sleep.

The thief steals a lot. It will steal more tomorrow. But by God’s grace, we can enjoy what has been left to us today.

By God’s grace, we do not let the craving of what we can’t have get the best of us.

“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.

I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” John 10:10

Jesus had his arms and hands bound too. It looked like the thief had finally won. It looked like he had stolen the life of God’s only Son. But he didn’t win. Jesus, with his hands and feet bound, gave his life so that we can have one that is eternal. Abundant. No more ALS. No more tears. No more sorrow. And so we give our lives to Him, the only one who can take back what the thief has stolen. The only One who can stop him from stealing .

I am learning to live with the Saviors arms around me. Safe. Protected. Secure. I don’t have to live a life counting my losses when I have so many blessings instead.

What has the thief stolen from you lately? And have you let the Savior redeem it?

(10)

Don’t Wish Away Your Monday

By Stephanie Glidden · (0)

It’s Monday! A day of the week a lot of people dread. I think too many of us take Monday for granted. I know I’d love to be packing my husbands lunch box and kissing him goodbye as he walked out the door for work. It was over two years ago that we found out there would be no more Mondays like that. We took Mondays for granted too. We wished too many of them away, rushed through five days of the week to get to the two we wanted. What I would do now to have a normal Monday back.

What If?

In 2011, a poem written by a Colorado woman named Natalie Fognani was turned into a song by musician Lucas Hoge. The song is called “How Was I To Know?” When Natalie wrote it, she could no longer walk, talk, or move her arms and hands.

Folks, she wrote the song with her toe (a hot pink painted one at that, love it!) Natalie was trapped inside a body that didn’t work any more because of ALS. Her dream was to have her poem made into a song, which thanks to a group of special people, she was able to see her dream come true before she passed away a few months later.

For a woman who was weak and frail, she has a message that is strong and true. It’s a message we can’t afford to miss.

I read an interview that was done with Natalie. This is what she said:

“It occurred to me that most people take it for granted that they can talk and hug and kiss. I had taken all those things for granted. How was I to know I’d be in this condition? I looked forward to retirement, a next vacation. I took my good health for granted, friendships and relationships. I didn’t thank God enough for the blessings in my life”

The Little Big Things

It’s hard not to take the everyday things for granted. But I hope Natalie’s song will cause you to slow down. To focus on the little things in life today. To appreciate your Monday, and every other day of the week you can hug your kids, kiss your husband or walk to the mailbox. It’s the little things, but they really are the big things after all, aren’t they?

Here is the video that was made for the song.It starts out with how the song was made, and then the musician meets Natalie and performs for her. I’ll just warn you ahead of time: Get your tissues.

Carpe Diem

Now go, seize your day. Love the mundane, embrace the normal. My house is always in shambles on Monday. It’s a day of putting back together. I don’t always like it, but I am happy another Monday came.

How about you?

This is the day that the Lord has made

Let us rejoice and be glad in it

Psalm 118:24

(0)

What You’ll Find Us Doing A Lot This Summer

By sglidden · (1)

It’s one of our favorite things to do. And it’s practically free. Save the marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers. Oh and occassionally we forgo dinner as we know it and do hot dogs on a stick.

A great side benefit? No dishes!

I remember when the babes were little. We would gather around the camp fire until their little eyes got sleepy. Then we’d put them to bed and stay up for hours talking.

Now we are going bed much before their eyes are sleepy and they are the ones who stay up for hours talking. Who knew I’d be so old one day!

I’m sharing at Finer Things, One Beautiful Thing and Money Saving Mom!

(1)

The Summer Bucket List

By sglidden · (0)

We’ve been kicking around this “bucket list” phrase at our house these past few weeks. Although we all decided that the meaning of “bucket list” hits a little too close to home and we’d like to change it, we haven’t really found a name quite as catchy. Summer Adventure List? Summer Fun List? Not sure.

I think we all try to live a life of no regrets, don’t we? we all say we want to seize the moment, embrace the day, be in the here and now. It’s easy to say, yet harder to do. When you’ve been given a shortened timeline like we have, it becomes harder to say and easier to do. Yet I feel like I always miss an opportunity. The tyranny of the urgent takes over, and before you know it, a season like summer can be gone with only half of the things I’d like to do getting done.

Seasons of Change

In some ways, I think we are especially blessed that we know. We know that this summer won’t look anything like last summer or next summer because of ALS. Because we know, we can slow down and take in these precious moments we have. Without ALS in our lives, we would be doing what we have done every summer before: thinking of some things we want to do, but getting very few (if any) of those things done.

Maybe you aren’t experiencing such a dramatic change of events in your life as we are. Even so, this summer will look different than last year or next year. Children get older, graduate, move off to college, finances change, relationships change, babies are born, marriages happen. That is life. It ebbs and flows and change is inevitable.

Memories Are Forever

Even though life always changes, memories can’t be moved. It’s beautiful where we live. Mountains and rivers, the scenery is breathtaking. Before we lived here, we would take trips to this area. We would take picture after picture, after picture of the scenery. I have been trying to sort through this big box of pictures and get them in albums, and you know, the scenic pictures are nice but most of them haven’t made it into our albums.

The pictures we keep are the ones of people. Smiling, sticky faces posing silly. A daddy hugging his daughter. A moment caught on film. Moments. Memories. These are what stay with us forever.

What’s On Your Bucket List?

It doesn’t need to be fancy. Unless you get inspired by places like Pinterest ! I probably have a few pinned myself. But for now, we just have a list scratched out on our magnetic memo pad on the side of the refrigerator. On paper with snowman and snowflakes I may add! Simple, but it works. If I tried to make it fancy, it would probably take me all summer to do it, and well then, that would kind of defeat the purpose.

Here’s a few of our things:

Take a road trip
Go up Mount Washington
Picnics on Sundays
Go to a fair
Hiking
Get a trampoline

My son threw that last one on there. Ha.

Here’s A Challenge

Make a bucket list. Just do it. Get fancy like this:

DIY Family Summer Bucket List

Or keep it simple, like this (I’m thinking we should at least upgrade to this!) :

Summer Bucket List from Keeping Life Creative

Write a list. Be intentional. Create those memories.

Are you making a “bucket list” this summer? If you weren’t planning on it, I hope you are inspired. If you got one, what’s on it?

(0)

Islands, Rocks And Sailing Ships

By Stephanie Glidden · (9)

I am a rock

I am an island……..

I’ve bought and sold lie.

The lie that because I’m a believer, I’ve got God, Him and I together can conquer this ALS thing.

Arm in arm, we’re good. Right?

It’s a lie. Because God didn’t create us to be an island. He created us to be a community. And to be honest, I’d kind of rather be on a deserted island with God. Not that I don’t like people. I do.

I like to help people. To encourage people. To pray for people.

What I don’t like is being the people that need the help. The ones needing the encouragement. Needing the prayer.

Needing makes you vulnerable. I don’t like being vulnerable.

God seems to like me being vulnerable though. And needing people. Because He’s got me right there in those places. And when I turn and run to Him to hide, He’s like a daddy turning me around and making His child face the hard stuff because He knows: it’s good for me.

Let’s face it, no one likes to ask for help. No one likes to be helpless.

In Dream New Dreams, Jai Pausch shares about a time when she had decided to let go and allow people to come into her home and help her with daily activities so she could be more available to care for her terminally ill husband. One day as she was coming down the stairs after getting her husband to sleep, she heard two volunteers discussing how excessive her laundry room was. She had two washers and dryers, one set came with the house, one set they had. They kept them both because they decided with small children and an ill husband, it would help simplify the laundry process. The volunteers didn’t know that, of course.

But there it was. Judgment. Criticism. Opinions. It happens. You know it does. You’ve been the giver and the receiver of it at one time or another. We all have. And it can send any land dweller back to her island in a jiffy.

No one likes to be under a magnifying glass. Because we all know what happens if you do it when there is enough heat. The item you are staring at is consumed. Poof.

I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb
I touch no one, and no one touches me

I am a rock,
I am an island………..

So here goes. I don’t have two washers and dryers.

But I do have a messy basement. And my son always forgets to flush the toilet. Always. My dogs fart when company comes. They smell bad. Sometimes I cut up a bowl of fruit and put some sugar when my kids aren’t looking (because I‘d never let them do that.)

And I eat cereal for dinner a lot and I fight the urge to order out pizza. Every. Night. See?

We’re weird. Slightly dysfunctional, even. But we love each other deeply. And we can’t do this alone.

I know there may be the occasional magnifying glass moment. I may be moving into that glass house on a busy street. I have to get over it.

God is sending my ship sailing from the island of pride to the land of humility. And I know many of you have been waiting there for a long time to greet me!

Just be gentle with me when I arrive. You know how tourists are Smile

Linked up to Keeping It Real

(9)

Tools Of The Trade

By Stephanie Glidden · (0)

In the past month, we have had a stair lift installed and a wheel chair delivered.

I have to say, it’s kind of weird having this stuff in my house.

It’s a relief too.

But still weird.

And you know, they really should make this stuff more fashionable. It’s so hospital looking. Why do medical companies insist on beige and metal for everything? I bet if Pottery Barn went into making medical equipment, they’d jazz it all up.

For now, Eric is having a blast maneuvering the wheel chair all around the basement like a race car at an obstacle course. After he rides down in the stair lift, of course.

He actually ponders what he will do each time he goes down the stairs now. “Hmm” he thinks. “Should I take the lift or walk?” I try not to think too hard about the fact that my 10 year old has a stair lift in his house to even ask that question.

Or a wheelchair to race around in.

But he’s having fun and is still at an age where anything that has power is cool.

That’s a good thing. Because the other two kind of want to look away like it’s something they shouldn’t see.

Which of course, they’re right. They shouldn’t have to see any of that stuff.

I am trying to tell myself that they are just tools to do my trade of care giving.

I never really did care much for things with a motor. Or beige.

But I’m getting there.

(0)

How Much Has Changed

By Stephanie Glidden · (2)

I was looking through photos the other day and came across this one:

My heart caught in my throat. I must have stared at this image for at least 20 minutes and it has been in my mind for days. The photo quality isn’t great. There may be nothing special about it to anyone else. Why would it catch my attention like it did?

This photo was taken in 2009. Just three years ago.

It’s of my husband. He has his arms in the air. He is jumping. He looks so…..healthy. Happy. Whole.

Each day, we muck through ALS. Things have changed in a way that we have been able to adjust to it. Things almost seem normal, most of the time. As each day passes, I forget a little more about what our lives used to be. We live a new kind of normal now, in which nothing is normal at all. And it’s just been three years. That’s a blip in time. How much has changed. How quickly, yet how slowly, our life as we knew it, is being torn from us.

Every once in a while, I am reminded how much we have lost. How abnormal our lives have become because of this disease.

And my heart drops. The tears fall. And I pray, why God? Why is this happening?

(2)