Walking Through The Valley Stephanie Glidden

Author Archive for Stephanie Glidden

Insurance? Or Assurance?

By Stephanie Glidden · (12)

When Job was sitting on a dump pile picking at his festering sores with broken pottery,having lost nearly everything, his wife questioned his faith. She asked “Why do you still trust in God? Why don’t you curse Him and die?”. Job’s answer is my favorite part of the story. He told her:

“Don’t talk like a fool! If we accept blessings from God, we must accept trouble as well.” (Job 2:8-10)

Many of us think following Jesus is a type of insurance. Doing so will protect us from the bad things in life so we are assured only the good things will happen to us. We can live our lives how we want, and when trouble comes, we can cash in on that policy insurance and everything will go right again. Seems like a good deal.

Scott and I grew up knowing about Jesus. As adults, we gave our hearts to Him. We went to church faithfully. We served as deacons, Sunday School teachers,and board members. We give to the needs of our church and community. We home school our children so we can give them a faith based education. We memorize Scripture. We pray. We try to please Him. We did everything right, you could say. We purchased the life time insurance policy, paid it in full and should have been safe.

But Scott still got a disease. Not just any disease. An incurable, little known rare disease. What happened?

We held up our end of the deal didn’t we? Well, I’m not so sure we have. Like Job said to his wife: we accept the blessings with an open hand, don’t we? What about the troubles?

Part of me wishes I could pull out my insurance policy, and remind the Lord of all we have done for Him. I’m pretty sure He will remind us what we signed up for, and suggest that maybe we skimmed through the good parts and overlooked some major details. We could think God is not honoring His end of the bargain. But maybe it’s us who isn’t fulfilling our end of the deal.

Following Jesus required us to lay our lives down.

We agreed.

Following Him required that we take up His cross and share in His suffering.

We agreed.

Following Him means we lose our own lives to receive His.

We agreed.

When we agree to live our lives for Him, we know: The fires will come. It will burn and get hot. It will seem like it’s going to consume you. But He will be there to get you through it. He will be in the heat with you. He will heal the burns and tend the wounds. He will never leave you alone in the fire to fight it alone.

You see, it isn’t insurance you get when you follow Jesus.

It’s assurance.

(12)

Don’t Wish Away Your Monday

By Stephanie Glidden · (0)

It’s Monday! A day of the week a lot of people dread. I think too many of us take Monday for granted. I know I’d love to be packing my husbands lunch box and kissing him goodbye as he walked out the door for work. It was over two years ago that we found out there would be no more Mondays like that. We took Mondays for granted too. We wished too many of them away, rushed through five days of the week to get to the two we wanted. What I would do now to have a normal Monday back.

What If?

In 2011, a poem written by a Colorado woman named Natalie Fognani was turned into a song by musician Lucas Hoge. The song is called “How Was I To Know?” When Natalie wrote it, she could no longer walk, talk, or move her arms and hands.

Folks, she wrote the song with her toe (a hot pink painted one at that, love it!) Natalie was trapped inside a body that didn’t work any more because of ALS. Her dream was to have her poem made into a song, which thanks to a group of special people, she was able to see her dream come true before she passed away a few months later.

For a woman who was weak and frail, she has a message that is strong and true. It’s a message we can’t afford to miss.

I read an interview that was done with Natalie. This is what she said:

“It occurred to me that most people take it for granted that they can talk and hug and kiss. I had taken all those things for granted. How was I to know I’d be in this condition? I looked forward to retirement, a next vacation. I took my good health for granted, friendships and relationships. I didn’t thank God enough for the blessings in my life”

The Little Big Things

It’s hard not to take the everyday things for granted. But I hope Natalie’s song will cause you to slow down. To focus on the little things in life today. To appreciate your Monday, and every other day of the week you can hug your kids, kiss your husband or walk to the mailbox. It’s the little things, but they really are the big things after all, aren’t they?

Here is the video that was made for the song.It starts out with how the song was made, and then the musician meets Natalie and performs for her. I’ll just warn you ahead of time: Get your tissues.

Carpe Diem

Now go, seize your day. Love the mundane, embrace the normal. My house is always in shambles on Monday. It’s a day of putting back together. I don’t always like it, but I am happy another Monday came.

How about you?

This is the day that the Lord has made

Let us rejoice and be glad in it

Psalm 118:24

(0)

Islands, Rocks And Sailing Ships

By Stephanie Glidden · (9)

I am a rock

I am an island……..

I’ve bought and sold lie.

The lie that because I’m a believer, I’ve got God, Him and I together can conquer this ALS thing.

Arm in arm, we’re good. Right?

It’s a lie. Because God didn’t create us to be an island. He created us to be a community. And to be honest, I’d kind of rather be on a deserted island with God. Not that I don’t like people. I do.

I like to help people. To encourage people. To pray for people.

What I don’t like is being the people that need the help. The ones needing the encouragement. Needing the prayer.

Needing makes you vulnerable. I don’t like being vulnerable.

God seems to like me being vulnerable though. And needing people. Because He’s got me right there in those places. And when I turn and run to Him to hide, He’s like a daddy turning me around and making His child face the hard stuff because He knows: it’s good for me.

Let’s face it, no one likes to ask for help. No one likes to be helpless.

In Dream New Dreams, Jai Pausch shares about a time when she had decided to let go and allow people to come into her home and help her with daily activities so she could be more available to care for her terminally ill husband. One day as she was coming down the stairs after getting her husband to sleep, she heard two volunteers discussing how excessive her laundry room was. She had two washers and dryers, one set came with the house, one set they had. They kept them both because they decided with small children and an ill husband, it would help simplify the laundry process. The volunteers didn’t know that, of course.

But there it was. Judgment. Criticism. Opinions. It happens. You know it does. You’ve been the giver and the receiver of it at one time or another. We all have. And it can send any land dweller back to her island in a jiffy.

No one likes to be under a magnifying glass. Because we all know what happens if you do it when there is enough heat. The item you are staring at is consumed. Poof.

I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb
I touch no one, and no one touches me

I am a rock,
I am an island………..

So here goes. I don’t have two washers and dryers.

But I do have a messy basement. And my son always forgets to flush the toilet. Always. My dogs fart when company comes. They smell bad. Sometimes I cut up a bowl of fruit and put some sugar when my kids aren’t looking (because I‘d never let them do that.)

And I eat cereal for dinner a lot and I fight the urge to order out pizza. Every. Night. See?

We’re weird. Slightly dysfunctional, even. But we love each other deeply. And we can’t do this alone.

I know there may be the occasional magnifying glass moment. I may be moving into that glass house on a busy street. I have to get over it.

God is sending my ship sailing from the island of pride to the land of humility. And I know many of you have been waiting there for a long time to greet me!

Just be gentle with me when I arrive. You know how tourists are Smile

Linked up to Keeping It Real

(9)

Tools Of The Trade

By Stephanie Glidden · (0)

In the past month, we have had a stair lift installed and a wheel chair delivered.

I have to say, it’s kind of weird having this stuff in my house.

It’s a relief too.

But still weird.

And you know, they really should make this stuff more fashionable. It’s so hospital looking. Why do medical companies insist on beige and metal for everything? I bet if Pottery Barn went into making medical equipment, they’d jazz it all up.

For now, Eric is having a blast maneuvering the wheel chair all around the basement like a race car at an obstacle course. After he rides down in the stair lift, of course.

He actually ponders what he will do each time he goes down the stairs now. “Hmm” he thinks. “Should I take the lift or walk?” I try not to think too hard about the fact that my 10 year old has a stair lift in his house to even ask that question.

Or a wheelchair to race around in.

But he’s having fun and is still at an age where anything that has power is cool.

That’s a good thing. Because the other two kind of want to look away like it’s something they shouldn’t see.

Which of course, they’re right. They shouldn’t have to see any of that stuff.

I am trying to tell myself that they are just tools to do my trade of care giving.

I never really did care much for things with a motor. Or beige.

But I’m getting there.

(0)

How Much Has Changed

By Stephanie Glidden · (2)

I was looking through photos the other day and came across this one:

My heart caught in my throat. I must have stared at this image for at least 20 minutes and it has been in my mind for days. The photo quality isn’t great. There may be nothing special about it to anyone else. Why would it catch my attention like it did?

This photo was taken in 2009. Just three years ago.

It’s of my husband. He has his arms in the air. He is jumping. He looks so…..healthy. Happy. Whole.

Each day, we muck through ALS. Things have changed in a way that we have been able to adjust to it. Things almost seem normal, most of the time. As each day passes, I forget a little more about what our lives used to be. We live a new kind of normal now, in which nothing is normal at all. And it’s just been three years. That’s a blip in time. How much has changed. How quickly, yet how slowly, our life as we knew it, is being torn from us.

Every once in a while, I am reminded how much we have lost. How abnormal our lives have become because of this disease.

And my heart drops. The tears fall. And I pray, why God? Why is this happening?

(2)

I Love You, Stinky Face

By Stephanie Glidden · (12)

So there is this thing called a bi pap. It helps my husband breathe at night. And it comes with this adorable mask that covers his whole face. Every night I strap him up and lay him down. It’s as sexy as you can imagine. The down side, if you can’t see it already, is that I can’t understand much of what he says once he has it on. Which of course, he always tries to say something. So I spend an extra 5 minutes or so trying to figure it out, before I give up and fall asleep.

I think he is saying how much he loves me and how beautiful I am. The mask brings that out in him, I just know it.

It gets even better though. He also figured out that if he rolls over and does something just right, the mask will blow air into my face. Sometimes he does it accidentally, and sometimes its on purpose. It smells awesome first thing in the morning.

Which reminded me of something. Years ago, he told me I had bad breath one morning. I told him everyone has morning breath. He proceeded to tell me that his ex girlfriend never had morning breath.

Oh yeah, he did.

I was still honeymooning on him at the time, so he got away with it. It ended up turning into a joke that to this day, can make both of us laugh so hard I have to cross my legs or be close to a bathroom if it comes up. Turns out he likes funny better than a chick with no morning breath, because he’s kept me around for about 20 years. And since he blows air into my face at random times throughout the night, I’d say all things considered, we’re even. Wait, that’s still two strikes for him. But who’s counting, right?!

Thinking of all this one night, while awoken by a sudden burst of air in my face, I remembered a book titled I Love You Stinky Face that I used to read to the kids when they were little. Ever hear of it?

It’s a cute and funny book that describes how a mother’s love would not change even if your child were a big scary ape, a smelly skunk, a swamp creature, a bug eating alien and more.

Yeah it’s for kids, but I think I need to rewrite for my husband. So that I can read it to him and remind him that no matter how bad things get with this ALS thing, his wife’s love will never change.

He will always be my handsome knight in shining armor. And I will always be by his side. No matter what.

Every now and then our husbands. all of our husbands, need to be reminded of such things. Stinky face, stinky feet, stinky whatever. We’re in this thing for life.

(12)

She’s Home!

By Stephanie Glidden · (2)

It’s been an emotionally trying week. I’m exhausted.

But here it is. My #onebeautifulthing.

My mom says she’s so ugly, she’s cute. Yes, mothers can be wrong some times.

She’s my girl, and I think she’s beautiful.

And she’s home. A little tired and a lot thinner. But she’s home.

Psalm 56:8 (NLT) says that God collects our tears in a bottle. I am thinking that He has had to upgrade to a gallon jug for all the ones I have cried.

Today there are tears of gratitude going in.

Thank you God, for answering the prayers of this heartbroken lady this week.

(2)

Weight Watchers

By Stephanie Glidden · (4)

I joined Weight Watchers a couple of months ago because…..well really, does anyone have to explain why they join something like that?

I haven’t been doing very well on it. You’d think with my tooth issue making it hard to eat just about anything, I’d have lost all kinds of weight. But it turns out lying in bed for a few days on end, even if it is because I was writhing in agony, doesn’t burn enough calories to take care of all that chocolate pudding and Cool Whip I consumed.

On the other hand, Scott has been losing weight like I wish I could. For him, that’s a very, very bad thing.

Chocolate pudding and Cool Whip aren’t working for him nearly as good as it did for me. He lost 4 pounds and I gained 5.

This whole eating food thing has been one of the most difficult hurdles in this journey for him to overcome. Giving up eat and getting it though a tube is just not his thing. He wants to eat real food. I make him all kinds of creations only to sit him at the table and he can only handle a couple of bites. Imagine staring at a plate of food that you are totally craving, and you just can’t eat it.

And have you ever thought about how much everything we do is revolved around food? I never did either until this.

But we’ve made it around another boulder in the journey of ALS. It’s been so hard for him to do it. But he is brave and strong and courageous, so he is doing what needs to be done. He’s letting me use the feeding tube.

He still eats when he can. Its usually in small portions, and we will drop everything to get him what he is craving as fast as we can. It’s pay back for my three pregnancies when I would send him out to the store for whatever ailed me in the moment. See, things always come full circle.

The scale showed that we got back those 4 pounds he lost. And me? Well, I skipped the scale this week. Ahem.

(4)

Prayer Request

By Stephanie Glidden · (5)

***We are soooo happy to announce that Shamira made it through surgery to have a mass removed from her intestines. She has a long recovery ahead of her, but praise God, she is going to be OK!! Thank you all for your prayers and support. This was very challenging for us to go through and we appreciate that you care enough to take time out of your busy day to remain updated and pray for us!***

This is my baby girl, Shamira (Sha-my-rah, it means guardian in Hebrew). She is six years old and is the one who introduced us to the awesome world of bull dogs.

She is very sick right now, and we aren’t exactly sure why. She is going in this morning for further testing.

Not only is she my little girl, she is the apple of Scott’s eye. And she loves him just as much.

I’ve been up most of the night praying that God would heal her. I pray He hears me. I’m scared, and I have a lot of questions.

Please pray for us too. To some its just a dog, but to us, she is like one of my children. And my fragile heart isn’t sure if it can’t take anymore heartache right now.

(5)

These Are The Moments

By Stephanie Glidden · (2)

Getting out the door to do anything has become quite a challenge lately.

Gone are the days when we can just jump in the car and go. I have figured it takes us about 3 hours to be able to get out the door from start to finish. Scott gets so easily tired these days, it’s do one thing to get ready, rest for 15 minutes. Do another thing, rest for 15 minutes.

Whenever we would go places, Scott always helped me get us all out the door. If I forgot something, he would remember. He’d think of things I wouldn’t, and I’d think of things he wouldn’t. And somehow it always came together. We were a great team. Now I am flying solo, and believe me, I am missing my team mate incredibly.

But when you have a day like this to show for it, it is all worth it: