When I met Scott, there were two things I noticed about him. Well besides the fact that he was insanely gorgeous…
holding Amber after she was born
One, he has the most beautiful eyes. Sometimes they are blue, and sometimes they are green. Either color they are on any given day, I love them. .
And the other, he has this voice, this deep voice that I could always hear above any crowd. His voice is one of those unique voices that you can’t miss once you hear it. That deep voice made the words “I love you” so beautiful the first time he said them to me, and every time after that. I still remember that. We were dating for three weeks when he said it. I was thinking um, we’ve only been dating three weeks, but man oh man, I love you too! I think I fell in love with him the minute I saw him. Really, love at first sight does exist.
Fall 1994. Up North, our favorite place to be (and where we now live)
When we found out Scott had ALS, they told us someday, he would most likely be unable to speak. They encouraged us to “bank” his voice so that we could always remember it. It sounds so practical and sweet, doesn’t it? But we couldn’t do it.
We were so devastated by his diagnosis and thoughts of everything we were faced losing. We tried to have him say things so we could record it, but it always ended up with us in tears. I wish we could have got through it. Because it turns out, they were right.
That someday is getting closer. He still can speak but his voice is weak and is words are slurred. Gone is that big booming voice I used to love. Now I often have to have him repeat what he said because I can’t understand him. And it takes so much effort for him to talk that he often just chooses to be quiet. He told me there’s a lot to be said for that as well. I wouldn’t know, being quiet isn’t my gift.
Wedding day. Guess he was excited! I’m sure he was yelling something too!
We have a few VHS tapes and some video here and there where Scott is talking. I can’t even watch them now, it hurts too much. I don’t know if someday I will.
I know that words of love can be spoken in other ways, and we have that figured out. But I will always, always long to hear those words from his mouth. And you would too, if you had to face that someone you love would never speak them again.
I do know that any day, no matter what. I will never ever forget what his voice sounds like. Because some things just become so much a part of you, they can never be taken away. And the sound of his voice is one of those things, even if that day comes that I never hear it again.
Linked to :